An OutOfCharacter Experience
by Corvus corone
Summary: Natsume is looking forward to the evening's rock concert, but he never expected that the lead singer would be an old school friend. Crushes and relationships are revealed, as is Luca's porn collection. A oneshot crackfic - contains profanity.


**An Out-Of-Character Experience  
**_written for A Forgotten Fairytale_

XXX

Natsume was rather looking forward to this evening. Since his graduation from Alice Academy along with most of his friends, he had discovered a new passion - gothic, emo, rock music. In particular, he had fallen for a certain gothic, emo rock singer, known only to her fans as Cutmawrists Bleedinglurv Suckyablud Princessessa III - or Cutty for short. Although she was still very new to the music scene and had not produced any CDs or music videos, she already had a great online following. Natsume, being part of that great following, had done a thorough search of the Internet for cheap tickets to her next concert, and he was going to see it tonight. He was also planning on surprising her at the stagedoor with the hope of getting an autograph (or at least a vial of her blood).

Unfortunately enough, Natsume had not yet learnt to drive. He was due to take his driving test in two weeks, but for now he had no way of getting to the concert. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and so Natsume found himself calling up various upperclassmen from his old Alice Academy days and asking/forcing/blackmailing them to give him a lift.

The only person who had caved into these demands was one Tsubasa Andou.

"Fuck it, Natsume! Get a fucking move on!" shouted Tsubasa from the driveway.

"Shut it, Andou," grunted Natsume, coming down the stairs and slamming the door shut.

Tsubasa honked the horn of his old, battered truck. "Don't fucking tell me to shut up, dude," he said.

"What's with the swearing?" Natsume said, sliding into the front seat with a scowl on his face. He wondered whether he would be obligated to talk, seeing as Tsubasa did have a right to just kick him out of his truck.

"What fucking swearing?" said Tsubasa.

Natsume glanced at him. "That fucking swearing," he said.

"Oh, what, that fuck?" said Tsubasa, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah. Are we going or what?"

"Fuck, sorry. Yeah, we're fucking going." Tsubasa turned the ignition key, put on a CD of Cutmawrist's rival, Lovisunshinebunnies, and the truck noisily set off. Natsume leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes – he was interrupted by Tsubasa saying, "So why the fuck are you going to see Cutmawrist's concert then? I didn't know you liked that kind of fucking stuff."

Natsume opened his eyes, counted to ten to calm himself down and said, "Can you fucking stop with that swearing shit?"

"No, I actually fucking can't," replied Tsubasa.

"I can't believe Harada likes someone with such a dirty mouth," Natsume growled. How dare Tsubasa try to take his title as the Bad Tempered Swearing Jerk?!

"So fuck yeah, why're you so desperate to see Cutty's concert?" Tsubasa said, smirking suggestively at Natsume. "Do you have a fucking _crush_ on her, huh?"

"Mind your own shit," said Natsume. In truth, Cutmawrists Bleedinglurv Suckyablud Princessaessa III did have a certain beauty about her… if you looked past the shaved head, multiple eyelid piercings, and the deathly skinniness. It was just hard to appreciate, thought Natsume. He wondered if she had a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. Whatever.

"Aw, you fucking do! So what happened with Mikan then? I mean, fuck then. I fucking forgot to put a fuck into that sentence."

By this time, Natsume had mastered the art of bleeping out most of what Tsubasa said. It still didn't make him any more bearable, though. "I said, mind your own bleedin' shit!" Natsume growled. He wondered what Mikan, Hotaru, Luca and even Sumire were doing. He had not had any contact with them since leaving the Academy, for various reasons.

"Fucking whatever," said Tsubasa, interrupting Natsume's thoughts – for which Natsume was silently thankful, as the "various reasons" were not exactly nice to think about.

"Seriously, when did you start swearing so much, _senpai_?" Natsume said, sneering as he said the last word.

"Don't fucking know," Tsubasa said, looking puzzled. "It just kinda… fucking happened."

"Huh," grunted Natsume.

XXX

The rest of the car journey continued in silence, disturbed now and then with a few cries of "I love this fucking song!" from Tsubasa, which Natsume ignored. By the time they reached the Llama Memorial Stadium, the air was thick with the screams of fans. Natsume wondered if he should join in… on the one hand, he _did_ want to show his fan-ish love for Cutty, but on the other hand he had a reputation to uphold.

"I'll pick you up at around two, fuck yeah?" said Tsubasa, waving.

"Yeah, thanks," Natsume said, not paying attention. Where was the entrance?

"You looking for the entrance?" a girl said behind him. Natsume spun round to see a smiling, purple-eyed girl (he had learnt to avoid purple-eyed girls – they turned out to be rabid creatures from Unicorniusiopia called Princessessa Mary-Sue, or something along those lines) looking at him.

"Uh, yeah," mumbled Natsume. Damn girl, making him expose his weaknesses!

"It's over that way," she said as she pointed towards a small door covered with squealing fans. She was still smiling that rather strange smile, and Natsume thought her face looked a _little_ bit familiar… did she know him?

"…thanks," he said, and pushed his way through to the fanboy-covered door.

XXX

The concert turned out to be every bit as good as Natsume had imagined, and then some. Cutty really _was_ much better live than on Youtube, and Natsume had loved her even from those illegal bootlegged clips. So for one night only, he forgot all about his fearsome fire-casting reputation and cheered just like any other normal fanboy.

One thing kept bugging him. From the corner of his eye, he often thought he could see the purple-haired girl smiling at him in that laughing way through a sheet of glossy dark hair – but when he turned to look, she was gone.

How strange.

XXX

Natsume was exhausted. Being the kind of person who was never bothered about anything, jumping up and down and screaming for one night tired him quite a bit. He sat down on a bench with a few other mad fans, and waited for Cutty to come out. He had already prepared himself with plenty of paper, pens and excitement for when she came out.

The door opened.

"…so yeah, as I was saying, Hotaru, could you please wait with me here? I hate staying out on my own!" said a familiar voice.

"Cutmawristsbleedinglurvsuckyabludprincessaessathethird!" cried Natsume, jumping up as he recognised that beautiful, gothic, emo, rock voice from so many videos on Youtube.

Another girl giggled. He looked around, and saw the purple-eyed girl stifling a laugh behind her left hand and holding a camcorder in her right hand.

And beside her right hand and the camcorder… stood Cutty herself.

"Willyougooutiwivme?" said Natsume, and then wondered where that had come from. Damn it! He had been trying not to look desperate.

"What?" said Cutty, looking very surprised and twisting her single lock of hair around her thumb.

"Uh, will you be my girlfriend, please please please?" said Natsume, and inwardly smacked himself. He had _told_ himself not to beg!

"Natsume?" Cutty said, her mouth dropping open.

"You know my name?!" said Natsume, torn between utter confusion and utter delight (was he really that well-known on the Cutty Fan-Club Forums (or CFCF for short)?).

"You came to my concert?" said Cutty, stepping forwards. "Natsume, I didn't know you still cared about me! Why didn't you ever call me? I thought you'd forgotten about me! That's why I said yes to-"

"Woah, _what_?" said Natsume. "Do I _know_ you? Like, know _know_ you?"

"You should do," said the purple-eyed girl.

"How?!"

"Natsume, don't you remember me? We were friends for so long at school! Look at me – can't you see?"

"No," said Natsume, vehemently shaking his head.

"Natsume… I'm Mikan," Cutty said quietly. He wheeled round to stare at her, at a complete loss for words.

Hotaru giggled again.

XXX

"I don't understand," muttered Natsume. "You're saying that _you're_ Mikan Sakura? The girl I went to school with? The one with the Nullification and Stealing Alices? What the _hell_ are you doing here then?"

"Yep!" said Cutty, or rather, Mikan. "Didn't you recognise me? I mean, I know that shaving all my hair must have been quite shocking for you, but you must know me better than that!"

Natsume put his head in his hands. "So all this time, I've been a big fan of _you_. I've been a fan of _polka-dots_."

"Uh huh!" said Mikan happily, the chain of her lip piercings jangling as she nodded.

"And you're Hotaru Imai," Natsume said slowly to the purple-eyed girl.

"Yep!" said Hotaru, also nodding happily. She seemed a bit… different. And it wasn't just the hair extensions.

"This is just weird," Natsume growled. "It's been, what, six months since I last saw you, and now you're this weird emo rock star and Hotaru's _happy_. She's _smiling_, for God's sake."

"Well, you know, people can change," said Hotaru, watching her Natsume-the-fanboy video and laughing at it.

"Not this much!" said Natsume, glaring at her.

"You've changed as well, you know," Mikan said. "I didn't think you'd ever be a fan of anyone, let alone me!" She grinned at him and stuck her tongue out, showing off her many tongue piercings.

"But that's completely different! How- I mean, why?!"

"How long are you going to be, Mikan?" said Hotaru, looking at her watch.

"Oh, I dunno. Natsume, do you want to get a drink or something? Sorry, guys, he's an old friend," she said to the other members of the CFCF currently clamouring for an autograph.

"No, it's just that I'm waiting for Luca. He told me to meet him here in… six minutes and twenty-six seconds."

"Luca's coming here?!" said Natsume, shocked. No way. He did not want to see Luca again, not after what had happened last time…

"Is there something wrong, Natsume?" said Mikan, wide-eyed (a look that didn't quite suit the two centimetres of purple eyeliner she was wearing).

"Uh, no, no. I just, uh, don't want to see Luca right now," he muttered.

"Is there anything you're not telling us, hmm?" said Hotaru, smirking at him. "Don't you like your best friend anymore?"

"It's not that," Natsume growled.

"Are you staying in contact with _anyone_?" said Mikan, looking worried.

"… Tsubasa?"

XXX

A few minutes later, Natsume and Cutty/Mikan were seated in McBanana's Banana Café, a small restaurant opposite the Llama Memorial Stadium, and waiting for their order of Banana Soup. Hotaru was waiting across the road for Luca, and the rest of the CFCF were staring at Mikan through the windows of the café.

"So what made you do all this stuff then?" said Natsume, gesturing in Mikan's general direction.

"Oh! I thought it would be really fun! And it was," she said, beaming. "Do you like it this way? It's so much easier to wash my hair now!"

"Figures," said Natsume, eying the remaining lock of auburn hair just above her right ear.

"Oh look, there's Luca!" Mikan said, pointing outside. The CFCF turned to look as well – Natsume could just about make out a black car pulling up next to Hotaru.

"Do you wanna go meet him?" said Mikan, getting up. The heavy chains around her waist clanged loudly.

"No."

"Why not?" she said. She grabbed his arm and tried to pull him upright – he winced at the spikes on her rings digging into his skin.

"Because – because, I just don't want to!" he said, flames springing up Mikan's arm. She swatted at them and glared.

"Fine! Have it your way then!" she said, and stomped out.

XXX

Before long, Mikan had come back – followed by Hotaru and Luca. Natsume spat out his Banana Soup in surprise.

"Why did you come back?" he said to Mikan.

"Luca said he wanted to see you!" she said, pouting.

_Exactly_, thought Natsume.

"Hello, Natsume," said Luca. Natsume looked at him warily. Luca looked much the same as when he had last seen him – at least he hadn't grown his hair out, or got twelve eyebrow piercings.

"What's your problem?" said Hotaru, narrowing her eyes in an evil I'm-so-enjoying-this grin.

"Nothing," said Natsume. The last time he had met up with Luca, Luca had tried to…

"What?" said Mikan, tapping her foot impatiently. "What happened with you two, anyway?"

"Could it be something to do with those _magazines_ Luca has in his closet?" said Hotaru, grinning.

Luca looked at her, wide-eyed. "What?! What magazines?!"

"Luca, darling, if you want to blackmail me, you're going to need a _little_ more experience," she replied calmly.

"What are you two on about?" said Mikan.

"Let me explain," said Hotaru smoothly. "Luca here wanted to meet me because he _thought_ he could try my own game on me, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Luca said, looking very uncomfortable. "So how are you, Natsume?"

"He threatened me with the possibility of revealing some sensitive information about myself… didn't you?"

"Not really," Luca said. "It was just a joke! Natsume, I would never do anything like that!"

"Huh, yeah," muttered Natsume.

"Seriously, I still don't understand," said Mikan. "What sensitive information?"

"Nothing very important, and nothing that nobody knows anyway," said Hotaru, smiling at Luca. "I'm sorry, Luca! But you really can't say things like that without the knowledge of how blackmailing _really_ works!"

"What was the information?" said Natsume, a little curious, and also a little confused by what "nothing that nobody knows" meant. From the looks of it, Mikan was also having trouble with that same phrase.

"My bank account," said Hotaru. "Which was empty anyway. Because it was just a fake account to trap silly people like Luca…" She giggled. Natsume was a little off-put by this – the Hotaru he knew never giggled. Or smiled, for that matter.

"I didn't attempt anything of the sort," muttered Luca, blushing. "And it wasn't empty!"

"You forget that I own that bank, Luca. I can do anything I want with those accounts there," said Hotaru, laughing out loud by this point.

"I think I get it…" said Mikan slowly.

"And in return for your little attempt at extortion, I think I can safely reveal the whereabouts of Luca's gay porn collection," Hotaru said.

"She's lying!" shouted Luca. "Natsume, you know I don't look at porn! I love only you!"

"You do?" said Mikan, scratching her (shaved) head with long black fingernails.

"I thought everyone knew that," Hotaru said. "After his thirty-fourth confession of love for Natsume this time last year, I thought it was pretty obvious."

"Really?" Mikan said.

"And then at the end of the year, when he tried to kiss Natsume…"

"He tried to do more than that," Natsume said.

"He did?" Mikan said.

"Why are you always so oblivious?" Hotaru said, laughing. "Don't you ever pay attention to anything?"

"No… I was probably planning my tattoos… it takes a lot of concentration and time to come up with these designs!" she retorted, holding up an arm covered with spiralling black tattoos.

"Natsume, I don't really have any porno in my room," said Luca desperately. "You know I would never look at any other person except for you…"

"Yeah, I know," said Natsume shortly, recalling particularly traumatising shower experiences in their last year at Alice Academy.

"Oh good," said Luca with relief. "Because you know I would never want you to think that I'd gone off you."

"… great," grumbled Natsume. Mikan jangled her spiked bracelets together and squealed something like, "That's soooo sweet!"

There was a sudden loud "VROOM!" outside McBanana's Banana Café, and a shiny black motorbike pulled up beside them. Natsume glanced up – the driver was coming into the café, heading towards their table.

"Hey, guys," grunted the biker, taking off his helmet.

"Do I know you as well?" said Natsume.

"Hey, it's Natsume! Yeah, I know ya! The name's Tobita. Yuu Tobita."

_What?!_ Natsume mentally screamed. Out loud, he said, "You look different."

"Heh, thanks, dude! I just gotta pick up my gal, then we're off for the night. Right Cutty-cutie?"

"Yep!" Mikan giggled, hugging Yuu and his outfit of dark leather.

"Wait, you're going out?" said Natsume, staring.

"Yuh huh," said Yuu. "Cutty-cutie, we gotta be off like now, 'cos my boss wants me back by two-thirty. I got an important assignment to do. Nice seein' ya, Natsume."

And with that, Mikan was swept out of the café and off onto the intimidating, demon-like motorcycle. There was another earsplitting "VROOM!" sound, and they were gone.

"Yuu is slowly working his way up the ranks of the Tokyo Mafia," said Hotaru, glancing at Natsume through amused eyes.

"Right," he said. "It looks like everyone's changed since I last saw them," he muttered.

"Not me!" said Luca melodramatically. "I still love you just as much!"

"Aw," said Hotaru, beaming at them.

XXX

Tsubasa arrived about ten minutes later, hollering at Natsume to "Get the fuck out of that fucking place and fucking get into the fucking truck, fucker!"

"Do you know why Tsubasa keeps throwing those "fuck"s around?" said Natsume conversationally as he got up.

"Nope," said Hotaru. "But I'll do some research into it if you want, okay?" she continued, smiling.

"Uh, thanks?" Natsume said. He paid for the Banana Soup, and went out. He could feel Luca's stare on the back of his neck as he got into Tsubasa's truck.

XXX

"Had a fucking good night?" asked Tsubasa, putting Lovisunshinebunnies's song back on (her new single, "Ah Jus' Love That Cute Lil' Rainbow In Ma Garden") and starting up the engine.

"Shut it, wanker," said Natsume, closing his eyes and trying not to think about any of it.

**THE END.**

_A/N: The prompts were:  
- Iinchou owns a motorbike  
- Ruka has a porn collection, stashed in his room.  
- Ruka is gay and not-so-secretly loves Natsume  
- Natsume begs for Mikan to go out with him.  
- Natsume is a fan boy of Mikan.  
- Mikan is a Goth who almost shaved all of her hair  
- Iinchou is some kind of Gangster and has been secretly dating Mikan (but will be revealed later on)  
- Hotaru is a bubbly/cheery person like Mikan  
- Ruka blackmails Hotaru  
- Tsubasa loves saying "Fuck" on every sentence he makes  
- Set the story on 8 years later_

_Why does Tsubasa insist on appearing at the beginning of fics, having a few lines of random dialogue, and then disappearing back into the realms of pointlessness again?_


End file.
